Last Thursday, I did something I would have considered unthinkable a year ago: I cut off all of my hair. After four years of naturalness and several broken combs, most of the Kraken is GONE. My hair is shorter now than it was when I did my original big chop. As I watched my discarded hair get swept into a dustpan, several thoughts went through my head.
“Wow, I look cute.”
“I actually look like a lesbian now.”
“Time to go earring shopping!”
A few days have gone by and I am excited about my new ‘do but I have to be honest, I’m a bit scared. The weeks and months that led to this haircut were tumultuous for my self-image. The trouble started when I took my box braids out in December and took a good look at my hair. The Kraken was in bad shape. I had raggedy ends galore and stress caused some breakage in the back. I noticed the damage instantly but I figured I could ignore it and it might grow back. That plan was easy enough until other people began to point out my hair loss. I used to think I was beyond being hung up on hair but the universe showed me otherwise. I couldn’t figure out what I was more ashamed of, my hair’s condition or how much I allowed its condition to affect my self-esteem. I used to pride myself on not having a hair complex and I scoffed at women who complained about slow hair growth, which is easy to do when you already have a huge halo of hair on your head.
I am woman enough to admit that I was smug as hell and used that smugness as a shield for my insecurities. I think my hair troubles were the universe’s way of telling me to check myself and gain some humility. I decided to listen and chopped it all off. I would love to say my insecurities were swept away with my hair but it ain’t that easy. This haircut is merely the beginning of self-reflection. I’m certain I will have my ugly days and I am having a hell of a time trying to figure out how to style my hair but I’m ready to take this journey, again.