Phaedra, We Need to Worry About Boys Too

SPOILER ALERT: If you aint seen the most recent episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, you might want to read something else because I’m about to tell it all.

In the most recent episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies got into a heated conversation about parenthood. Specifically, Cynthia letting her 13-year-old daughter Noelle have a boyfriend and date. Nene, an admitted “old school” parent, brought up a prior discussion in which she expressed her disagreement with Cynthia allowing her daughter to date. The discussion ended with Cynthia running out the room in tears and Phaedra thanking the good lord above that she doesn’t have sons because she only has to worry about “one ding-a-ling” while parents with daughters have to worry about multiple ones.

I knew I had to post something when Phaedra let that drop out of her mouth because there are plenty of other people that would agree with her. A pervasive idea in the black community is the idea that boys have to be warned about “fast girls” while the “good” girls are to be sheltered so they won’t become the “fast” girls. If a girl ends up being pregnant she is written off as fast and girls are rarely able to shake off that label. It can follow them into adulthood but under a different name. A fast girl becomes a hoe, thot, shone, bobble head and a slew of other colloquialisms for a woman deemed a sexual deviant. The fast girls are the cautionary tale that makes the good girls stay in line. The hoe is the woman the grown-up good girl juxtaposes herself against when she is trying to prove she is “wife material.”

Let me sit this………

If the pedestal wobbles or she falls, she has hell to pay. Meanwhile, the guys that are fucking the fast girls in the open and tempting the good girls don’t have a care in the world. They can use, abuse, fuck and chuck all they want since their mama didn’t hold them accountable and neither did the community. That lack of accountability is why a lot of guys have no problem with knocking someone up and walking away or posting revenge porn in creatively titled Facebook groups that are dedicated to “exposeing hoes.” That lack of accountability also contributes the higher abuse statistics amongst communities of colors. Guarding our girls like a dog guards a herd of sheep isn’t the answer. I’m not asking for increased monitoring of boys but it’d be nice if we would let them know that they don’t pee gold and the world doesn’t owe them a damn thing and that includes sex.

But maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.


One thought on “Phaedra, We Need to Worry About Boys Too

  1. four4mommy says:

    As I watched RHOA, many of the same thoughts raced through my head. I also wondered about the social provisions made for parents who have sons AND daughters. Am I to concern more with my 3 daughters, than my son??? Highly unlikely. I do feel that social scorn does more so plague young girls who then become women, when they are deemed “fast”. This then begs the question, “what about that ‘fast’ young man who helped get her in this mess?” As far as we say we have come with the whole gender bias issue, makes me realize that it wasn’t that far at all. Young boys who ‘get all they can get’, become men who do it, and get applause for it- from others, like rappers, and peers. Young girls who become ‘sexually popular’ and it follows them get every name except their legal one.
    As a parent, (since mine are still very young) I plan to treat them as equally as possible. I am concerned equally about both sexual organs because they are my kids. As well, there is so much more to concern with than just a social
    label, or even pregnancy. Those are of lesser concern as now STD’s and viruses are on the table. Putting this into perspective, what parent could say who has it easier?? Diseases are not gender biased, and neither should people be guilty of it.


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