SPOILER ALERT: If you aint seen the most recent episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, you might want to read something else because I’m about to tell it all.
In the most recent episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies got into a heated conversation about parenthood. Specifically, Cynthia letting her 13-year-old daughter Noelle have a boyfriend and date. Nene, an admitted “old school” parent, brought up a prior discussion in which she expressed her disagreement with Cynthia allowing her daughter to date. The discussion ended with Cynthia running out the room in tears and Phaedra thanking the good lord above that she doesn’t have sons because she only has to worry about “one ding-a-ling” while parents with daughters have to worry about multiple ones.
I knew I had to post something when Phaedra let that drop out of her mouth because there are plenty of other people that would agree with her. A pervasive idea in the black community is the idea that boys have to be warned about “fast girls” while the “good” girls are to be sheltered so they won’t become the “fast” girls. If a girl ends up being pregnant she is written off as fast and girls are rarely able to shake off that label. It can follow them into adulthood but under a different name. A fast girl becomes a hoe, thot, shone, bobble head and a slew of other colloquialisms for a woman deemed a sexual deviant. The fast girls are the cautionary tale that makes the good girls stay in line. The hoe is the woman the grown-up good girl juxtaposes herself against when she is trying to prove she is “wife material.”
If the pedestal wobbles or she falls, she has hell to pay. Meanwhile, the guys that are fucking the fast girls in the open and tempting the good girls don’t have a care in the world. They can use, abuse, fuck and chuck all they want since their mama didn’t hold them accountable and neither did the community. That lack of accountability is why a lot of guys have no problem with knocking someone up and walking away or posting revenge porn in creatively titled Facebook groups that are dedicated to “exposeing hoes.” That lack of accountability also contributes the higher abuse statistics amongst communities of colors. Guarding our girls like a dog guards a herd of sheep isn’t the answer. I’m not asking for increased monitoring of boys but it’d be nice if we would let them know that they don’t pee gold and the world doesn’t owe them a damn thing and that includes sex.
But maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.